“Single Mom”… I hardly ever think of myself that way. I’m a mom, who just happens to be single. Then there are times where I feel every... single... syllable... of each word. The word “overwhelmed” is a good place to start. I have the most amazing daughter and incredibly supportive parents, and I couldn’t do this without them. That’s when I remind myself… As a “single mom”, I have it pretty darn good and so does my kid.
But still… I feel guilty. There’s so much more I could be doing as a parent. Instead, I’ve signed up for an Ironman. For the next six months I’ll be swimming, biking, running, eating, sleeping, working, swimming, biking, running, eating, sleeping, working, rinse, repeat. That doesn’t leave much time for… spending time with my daughter, giving her rides to go do the stuff she wants to do, grocery shopping, Christmas shopping, house cleaning and even paying the bills. Oh and, selfish me wants to try and have a little bit of a social life.
I have dust bunnies in my house that chase me down the hall. Seriously. The cats are starting to play with them! The kitchen floor looks like a crime scene. The dining room table has at least two months worth of mail piled on it. I did have a system of “piles” going for a little while, but that cats wiped out my system. Damn cats. My bedroom is a disaster, but still not as bad as the kid’s. The fridge seems to always be empty, yet my daughter does get fed. I’m still not quite sure how I swing that.
And the only way I’m having anyone come over to my house is if some fairy godmother sends over an army of “merry maids” to spruce things up. So don’t be expecting an invite to my house for the holidays. NOT that it’s very festive here. The XMAS decorations are still buried in the garage somewhere, up high, requiring a ladder, which I don’t have. (Up hill both ways in the snow.)
I’ve only been to one of my daughter’s field hockey games and the chance of me making it to one of her water polo games is slim to none. It doesn’t help that all the games are scheduled at 3:00 in the freakin afternoon when most parents (single or not) are working.
OK, OK… sounds like a bit of a pity party… fine, maybe it is. It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to.
HOWEVER… I know that I have still made the best choice for me and my daughter. The house may not be clean or decorated, but it is a home. I’m providing something for my daughter that had been missing from her life for too long… a happy, healthy, active mother. One who has set her sights on a really big ass scary goal and is willing to work hard and sacrifice to reach that goal.
I’m confident in knowing that my daughter has no doubt in her mind that when she needs me, I’ll be there. I may have signed up for an Ironman, but I didn't hand off my parental duties. She also knows that she is truly loved by me and that she is still the #1 priority in my life.
I signed up for the Ironman just as much for her as for me. Not that I knew it at the time, but I know it now.
Yes, there are days when I feel overwhelmed as a “single parent”. Luckily I don’t have many of those. Most of the time I’m just too damn busy to realize it. Yes, ignorance can be bliss.
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Now, what I want to know is, how do the single moms with more than one kid do it? Or the single moms with a baby/babies. Ya know, those creatures that can't do anything for themselves. Jeez! Props to YOU!
